Alfredo Afro

Comic - Geek-o-system Part 4

Thu, 23 May 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Busssted. The thrilling conclusion, next time!

Oh, and this was drawn on a Surface Pro. Diggin' it.

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Comic - Geek-o-system Part 3

Tue, 21 May 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Oh no, an alliance? IS THERE NO END TO THE UNPREDICTABLE DRAMA?!

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Comic - Geek-o-system Part 2

Thu, 16 May 2013 00:00:00 MDT

AS THE WARLD TARNS

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Comic - Geek-o-system Part 1

Tue, 14 May 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Uh oh.

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Comic - Accounting

Thu, 09 May 2013 00:00:00 MDT

I'm introducing new characters that'll make sense later. I think.

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Comic - How It Should Be

Tue, 07 May 2013 00:00:00 MDT

I'm out and about, fixing silly traditions.

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Comic - The Right Inflection

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Seen me a lotta bands. Seen me a lot of questionable singin'. Not gonna name names, but you watch out for mating-call voice. Dangerousness.

I actually had this idea a long time ago, yet I wasn't sure how to properly convey a giant animal phallus. Now I do, apparently.

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Comic - The Drive

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 00:00:00 MDT

I actually started working on this a few weeks ago. There was a drive from Denver, CO to St. Louis, MO we had to make in a day.

Things get kinda weird in the ol' brain sauce.

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Comic - Conviction

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Ohh, an ANALOG comic! I'm starting to dig drawing these on paper rather than a digital thing. Oh crap, I must be brokens.

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Comic - It Kinda Begins

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 00:00:00 MDT

It happens sometimes.

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Comic - Yolo Payola

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 00:00:00 MDT

The horrible truth. Trying to catch up from this stupidly crazy tour. Yay!

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Comic - Violent Justification

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Yep! I'm delusional and awesome!

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Comic - Equality Shmequality

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 00:00:00 MDT

The most original joke EVER!

Comics have been stupidly tardy as of late. This tour is super busy for some reason.

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Comic - Crappy Band Name #715

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Thanks to Shmalex for the name inspiration. BANG!

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Comic - Pinocchio'd

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 00:00:00 MDT

Stupid tour made this take longer. SNIKT!

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Blog - How to Fail at Dating

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 00:00:00 MDT

How to Fail at Dating

Oh! A blog on dating? What's next - Theoretical Thermonuclear Space Physics? At least THAT would be less complicated.

Well this blog is just something I felt that needed to happen. Lots of room for controversy AND, for lack of better word, funny drawringz!

I would also like to point out that this blog comes from personal experience and are just my opinions. They're not necessarily fact (hard to believe, I know). Agree or disagree all you want; just don't take it to heart. It's all in good fun.

GOOD FUN IS BETTER THAN BAD GOOD FUN

Got it? Good. Enjoy.

Ugh, Dating? REALLY?

Some of you might have seen this coming. Some of you who know me on a personal level (that narrows it down to three people) might even say that this was LONG overdue.

We weren't exactly educated on dating in school. Instead we were "educated" on sex.

How the hell are we supposed to learn about the social awkwardness? The sweaty palms? I mean, for all we knew dating was just... sex!

I recall sex education being mostly scare tactics and religious nonsense that insulted me and my peers' intelligence, but that's just me.

Anyway, this blog isn't about failing at SEX. This is about failing at DATING. There is a connection, but it's not as significant as you'd think.

I would write a blog about failing at sex, but I've never actually "failed" at that. Put the thing in the thing. Done.

... what? There is no failure there... technically.

Oh, and on a personal note, I am NOT a dating expert. Not even close. I am, however, an expert on what DOESN'T work! Heed this guide carefully. Knowing what not to do can be just as important as knowing what to do.

So here's what NOT to do, in somewhat explicit detail.

Fail #1: Putting too much emphasis on finding "The One."

Dating isn't the fucking Matrix. You're not Morpheus.

That little comic there is a bit truthful. I knew a girl once who actually took time to walk up and down the beer sections of grocery stores in hopes she'd meet her special guy.

Not exactly tactile, is it? What kind of guy was she hoping to meet?

(I even asked her out later on and she turned me down. ME. Can you BELIEVE IT?!)

Look, we could debate on that whole "soulmate" thing until the cows combust. Many people like to idealize "The Perfect Match" for various reasons. I'd like to blame fairy tales and movies for this horrible way of approaching dating.

Speaking of...

Fail #2: Using Movies and Pop Culture as a Frame of Reference for Dating

This drives me batshit CRAZY.

Edward's character from Twilight is quite possibly the perfect example of this. For those who don't know this character, consider yourself fortunate, but for your sake I'll summarize:

*sigh*

Edward is a powerful immortal vampire from the 1800s.

*pause for laughter*

Therefore he's "old fashioned," aka "complete wussbag." When he approaches the incredibly boring and mediocre Bella, he's laughably smitten and does everything and anything to "keep her safe." This includes sneaking in her bedroom to watch her sleep AND sabotaging her truck to keep her from going places.

I don't know about you, but if I would have done HALF - no - 1/16th of the things that Edward did "for" Bella, I would have probably had more than one restraining order filed against me AND I might've enjoyed carving my beloved's name on the wall in a jail cell a few times.

So like I said, DO NOT USE MOVIES AS A REFERENCE FOR DATING. Reality does not compute with make-believe. You will be left extremely disappointed.

Oh, and uh *ahem* as an aside, I know these Twilight characters thanks to Rifftrax, not due to casual Twilight-watching. I want that to be VERY clear.

Fail #3: Not Talking

Yep. What do I mean by, "Not Talking?"

Yep. If you don't talk to him/her, you won't get anywhere.

"Well no shit," you're probably thinking. I know it seems incredibly simple and stupid, but I have to point this out because I used to have this very problem.

Guys tend to have this fear of talking to women because, well, there's that slim-to-none chance that some sort of alpha-male-gorilla-man could appear out of nowhere and Kamehameha their asses into oblivion.

Believe it or not, this is actually a deep-seeded fear that is etched into our very DNA because that very thing USED to happen in our caveman days.

Except for, sadly, the Dragonball-eque energy blast.

Okay look. Guys (and sometimes ladies), you gotta do SOMETHING. You gotta make a move of some kind even if you're afraid. There will be no progress if you don't. Period.

Women tend to have the edge here because they don't normally have to make "the approach." Of course there's that whole "ying to the yang" thing - women tend to wrestle more with clothes, make-up, and overall physical appearance in general.

I guess if I had to choose, being a chauvinistic male is way simpler. Oh wait, that totally worked out for me!

*high fives self*

Fail #4: Presentation Goofiness

I might ruffle a few feathers out there, but we'll leave the ass-kissing and catering to them weenie politicians.

How you present yourself is directly proportional to the type of person you attract.

Sounds simple, right? I frequently notice this mistake. Ladies, I truly mean no offense, but if you dress like a bar skank, GUESS WHAT TYPE OF GUY YOU WILL ATTRACT?

I'm not saying it's wrong to dress slutty. Hell; walk around in a transparent thong with LED lights for all I care.

(excuse me while I file a patent)

Anyway, I think ladies that dress like this already know this stuff on some level. I mean, it's not like you think you're the only hottie out there, right?

I could go on and on here but I think you get the point.

On the flip side, when a guy tries WAY too hard to appear as captain alpha-tough-muscles, he will attract the crazies. A smart woman might feel attracted to him physically but she'll be able to separate her brain from her loins and think, "Didn't I see this douche-noodle on Tool Academy?"

Fail #5: Relying Strictly on Online Dating

Online dating is fickle. Some have better success than others. Of course, "success" is relative.

Dating actually does requires actual human interaction. Sorry World of Warcrafters; it's true. You can "sext" all you want; it's still not actual sex. You can Skype all night and day; it's STILL not real person-to-person intimacy.

I've tried online dating before and have had disastrous results. The first time I tried it I was 18 and had just moved to a strange new city. The girl I ended up meeting suddenly tells me she has a boyfriend (after I picked her up), then my truck broke down, and her stupid fat boisterous overly-opinionated friend showed up to "rescue" her stupid fa--

*ahem* Sorry. My point is that online dating is worth trying, but don't put your hopes and dreams into it. Some do well at it, some don't. Just remember that eventually you'll have to step outside of your home and actually interact.

By "interact" I mean "gropey-touchey-feelie-squishy-goodness." Unless you fuck things up.

DON'T fuck things up.

Fail #6: Fucking Things Up

Oops, I just covered that.

Fail #7: Not be yourself

I know this might sound like a cheesy moment from Full House, but if you just relax and be yourself, things will always work out one way or another.

Here's the cold reality: If you're not yourself, who the hell are you? He/She will discover who you really are eventually. Then what?

Fail #8: Not knowing what you want

And finally... WHY are you dating? Are you just lonely? Do you crave affection? Do you just want to get laid? Are you looking to find someone to marry and produce gobs and gobs of babies?

It helps knowing what you're in it for. There's nothing wrong with choosing the "just getting laid" option, but you HAVE to be honest with whom you bring to bed.

If you're not honest you'll eventually come across that crazy person that will end up doing something you'll both regret. Remember, dudes have had their penises forcefully removed from their torso by messing with the wrong crazy person.

Knowing is half the apple.

This isn't exactly a comprehensive guide, but hopefully it'll kickstart your brainmeat into action. The dating world isn't as tough as you might think. People just tend to get extremely uptight about it and end up shooting themselves in the foot. Lots of USER ERROR.

Here are some simple guidelines to find someone "in your ballpark," which is far more effective than finding someone who is perfect:

Someone you're attracted to regardless of physical imperfections (but don't be naive; physical attraction is important)
Someone who you laugh WITH.
Someone who you mostly agree with, but not completely agree with. That'd get pretty boring.
Someone on a mental health level similar to yours. For instance, if you're a positive, optimistic person, WHY would you date a negative, pessimistic shitbag?

I can probably add more to that impressive numbered list, but you're a smart guy/gal that may or may not be looking for a man/woman to fulfill his/her and/or your/their life/cookie jar that might/might not figure things out!

PS - Feel free to ask Rawrb (me) for dating advice in the comments. He (I) will tell you exactly what NOT to do!

Enjoyed it? Donations accepted with slightly evil chuckles.

Blog - 6 Things that Suck About Malls

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 00:00:00 MDT

6 Things that Suck About Malls

Malls. Seriously, what the hell ARE those things? The fearsome shopping black hole of death? The pre-teen hormonal cesspool of awkwardness? The financial leechmonster of bankruptcy?

They are ALL OF THESE THINGS, and so much more.

When I was in Junior High, the Permian Mall in Odessa, TX (now called the Music City Mall - heh) was a two-mile bike ride from my house. I had made several treks there to stare at Nintendo games as well as Super Nintendo games later on. One particular time I had saved up enough allowance money to ride, IN THE RAIN, to purchase a copy of Final Fantasy Mystic Quest.

Yes, THIS game:

Image Courtesy of Lazy Google Image Search

This was my life.

It was a simple life, and at the time I adored having a "gargantuan" shopping resource. I also spent time there with friends to go and "hang out" to "look at girls."

As I got older I started to dislike going to the mall. Maybe I was beginning to discover my innate introversion, or maybe it was the fact that they closed the awesome arcade I enjoyed there as a kid. Who knows.

The thing that later replaced the mall as "the thing to do - OMG we're so effing bored" was to "cruise the drag."

This "Cruising the Drag" nonsense consisted of me and my friends piling into a vehicle and driving up and down a select couple of miles on two major roads in the city. If I remember right... it started at an Arby's on 42nd and turned around at a Sonic on Andrew's Highway.

Oh dear GOD. Why does my brain remember this?

What was going on - I think - was the younger people in town to hang out, start fights, show off car-guy shit, etc. It was completely and utterly boring in every possible way.

Anyway, I'm digressing the shit out of this blog.

The point is this: Malls suck. Here's six of my own personal reasons on WHY they suck.

6. Malls have only 2 stores I actually care about

It's pretty obvious: shops and stores in malls most definitely do NOT cater to the introverted gaming/musician/nerd combo.

Sometimes they'll have an Apple Store, or maybe a Starbucks. Then it's up to FOUR mall thingies that aren't crap!

Five if they brought back arcades. Anyone up for a six player game of X-Men?!

Fuck you, I'm Wolverine.

Okay, I've gotta do a blog about arcades. *writes furiously on yet another sticky note*

5. Feeling fashionablly inadequate

I'm not gonna lie - I don't keep up the TRENDZZZ and FASHIONZzZ like all the cool kids do. I wear stuff that either 1) makes me laugh and/or 2) covers up my junk.

Also, some of the fashion stores are all direct knock-offs of each other too, which begs the question: How do you NOT get option paralysis when you're looking at overpriced pieces of shiny cloth?

4. The overwhelming torrent of scents from those candle stores

Have you ever walked into a very busy scent-based store? Everyone is trying EVERY scent at once. The mixture of scents somehow becomes an unholy cloud of overzealous pleasure scents. They combine their essence to form...

... ESTROGENIUM!

3. Shitcrap music played in the stores

I swear that store owners at these malls find their music nestled at the bottom of bargain bins of truck stops.

How awesome would it be to walk into Victoria's Secret and hear Dilinger Escape Plan earfucking all who enter?

Pause and think about it.

...

... okay, I'll draw it:

2. Salesmen Islands of Doom

I'm going to lose some of my audience probably, but screw it: I loathe salesmen.

I can appreciate that whole comission concept and the need to sell stuff; hell, I do that all the time with Psychostick and (eventually) this very site.

My problem is that "slick" car salesmen thing that malls seem to be infested with at those "Islands" scattered about.

One time I walked past some douche trying to sell me some fancy, imported moisturizer. Yes, that's right: LOTION. I politely said, "No thank you." He persisted. I continued to be polite and eventually had to say, "Dude, I'm not buying lotion. I have no money."

His nice demeanor changed instantly when I said, "no money." It was shocking. He scoffed loudly and angrily, as if I was wasting HIS time, and walked back to his stupid island to pounce on his next victim.

On my way out of the mall later on I walked by the same salesjerk again. He didn't remember me. "Hey man, I've got some premium imported Brazilian hand creme that all the ladies love--"

I hopped back, took a slight Street Fighter stance and said, "I'm the NO MONEY guy, remember?!" I proceeded to pull out my wallet, open it up, and show how empty it was.

He looked at me, slightly confused, then responded: "You've got a debit card."

"You're... REALLY annoying," I said as I laughed and walked away. He continued to TRY and sell me on his stupid lotion.

I loathe you, mall-island douchenozzles.

1. People who go there to "hang out" and walk slowly

I think this might be the single most irritating thing about malls. You know that whole "hanging out" thing I did as a kid as previously mentioned? Apparently that STILL happens.

Look, if you like going to the mall to grind your stupid elbows with your chums - that's fine. Just get the HELL out of the way. Do it to the side of the walkways. Please.

Then when you're 31 and have the time to write about shit that annoys you while drawing crappy pictures, you'll appreciate the finer things in life. Like commenting below, OR, reading up on other blogs.

Sorry; I went salesjerk on you there for a second. :(

Enjoyed it? Donations accepted with slightly evil chuckles.

Blog - 5 Reasons Why Strip Clubs are Lame

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:00:00 MST

5 Reasons Why Strip Clubs are Lame

Oh, I can hear the gay jokes now.

"Hey ROHAWRB, why you not like strip clubs? FART BLARG FART You like the company of MAN PARTS IN YOUR FACE?"

Satisfied? ... no?

"Your new name is 'BUTT SPIELUNKER RAWRB!'"

Alright, surely you must be don--

"When you go to a restaurant and the server takes your order, do you order a glass of orange juice and a plate full of PENISES (or Penii, whatever is the adequate plural) with a side of freshly prepared TESTICLESZ?"

Well, that was uncalled for but I--

"You want to explore space, don't you RAWRHB? You want to discover Planet Dickius, land there, make friends with natives, start a new Dick Colony, discover new types of Dickiusness, and swim in the vast, unexplored oceans of dicks!"

Really? You done?

"BUTTSEX IS YOU"

Hey. THIS.

A Rant Before The Rant

Now before you assume I'm about to jump into the "I was raised to respect women" theology other anti-strip club rants usually launch into, don't worry - I'm not going there. While I was raised with that notion in mind, I quickly learned that "respecting women" certainly doesn't mean "let them walk all over you." But that's another blog for another time. A very long, angry, funny, rant-filled blog.

I certainly do not think strip clubs are degrading. Nope. The ladies that choose to take their clothes off for a living make that decision themselves, even though they probably aspired to be something... more.

I'm not here to judge...

...

... wait, okay, I am. BUT I plan on doing it in a funny way! That makes it alright - right?

(That was rhetorical)

Let's go down on the countdown.

5. Those awkward moments when you turn down lap dances

Anyone who's been to a strip joint knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Despite the time(s) you might've gone, or the quality of strip club, there's always at least that one stripper that's, plainly put, not attractive in the slightest.

She just shouldn't be stripping.

Hell, she should never take clothes off. EVER.

And despite your efforts to avoid her, she'll always approach you...

... and offer up a lap dance.

'Tis a shameful, mortifying experience that even a thousand hours of genital intimacy from various cacti wouldn't be able to remedy.

4. Paying money to walk out frustrated

I'm not talking just sexually frustrated; I'm also talking about FINANCIALLY frustrated.

It's a lose/lose situation. You give money to chicks to give you a boner (scientifically put), and after that she does the same thing to some other dudes afterwards.

What's the appeal here again?

Anyone?

Bueller?

3. What you see is NOT what you get

I love how these "Gentlemens' Establishments" use black lights and a dimly lit atmosphere to "cover up" the moles, pimples, bullet holes, extra fingers, etc. The more black lights and dimmer the room, the more likely those ladies are hiding... "stuff."

In this case, I suppose it's better to hide the scaries. Enjoy the illusion! And we all know this isn't always the case, but you'd be surprised.

Don't watch HD porn either. YIKES.

2. No, that one cool hot stripper doesn't actually like you

I've heard the "alpha-wanna-be-guy" stories where some dude will walk into a strip club, be suave, and nail the stripper in the VIP room or some crap. What's that? Wow! You were able to play on an already insecure stripper's emotions to get her to fiddle your junk! Quick, call the Nobel Peace Prize committee! You deserve worldwide recognition for your significant accomplishment!

Listen Captain Tough-Awesome-Hercules-Titanium, I don't care. At all.

While we're on this subject, "exotic dancers" are ALL insecure on some level; usually an astronomical level. They don't just get MONEY out of stripping, they also get this little thing called EMOTIONAL VALIDATION!

Anyway, let's paint a hypothetical. Let's say, for whatever stupid reason, she really is enamoured with you and invites you to a special location for some "privacy."

I'd be willing to bet half-a-continent that you aren't the first guy she's done that to, and you WON'T be the last. Why is this a big deal? Let me read them off to you.

*ahem*

Chancroid, Chlamydia, Granuloma, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Candidiasis, Hepatitis B, Herpes Simplex, HIV, HPV, Molluscum contagiousum, Crabs, Scabies, and Trichomoniasis

Don't misunderstand. I enjoy SUPER SEXUAL RHOMPUS LAND just as much as any other red-blooded guy, but strippers are usually more sexually active than non-stripping womens due to their profession. That tends to mean they're more likely to be collecting STDs like Pokemon.

Gotta catch 'em all.

1. The "other" guys in the club

Hey fellas. Next time you're in a strip club take a look around for a moment at the OTHER gentlemen there.

Now take note of the level of sleaze that is present.

There's a reason why this one is number one. No matter how much you justify it, no matter how much sugar you coat it with, you're forehead-deep in that cesspool of pure, uncut SLEAZE.

These guys - these "regulars" - have to pay money to coerce women to pay attention to them. Think about that.

I know that sometimes there'll be an occasion when you and your buddies go to a strip club to celebrate a birthday, or a bachelor party, or whatever. That's completely understandable. Sometimes it's just fun to hang with your posse/crew/homies/douche congregation in a place filled with naked ladies.

Just don't ignore that sudden urge to take seventy-eight hot, anti-bacterial showers when you get home.

You know what a funny word is? NARDS. "My NARDS are fungi free!" YAY!

Enjoyed it? Donations accepted with slightly evil chuckles.

Blog - 8 Reasons Why I'm Glad I Never Went to College

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 00:00:00 MST

8 Reasons Why I'm Glad I Never Went to College

(If this article comes across as condescending, it's only because I'm awesome.)

Oh that's right. I'm gonna poke, prod, and grind into this subject until you walk away with an uncomfortable rash and/or electronic herpes.

Is college a waste of time? No. It's an UNSPEAKABLE waste of time. Every time my stupid band plays a show, or something cool happens, OR I wake up at 1:00 PM after saying up until 6:00 AM playing Skyrim/with myself, there's a part of me that says, "Thank you, NOT COLLEGE, for allowing me to enjoy the lifestyle that isn't misery."

How can I justify such a counter-intuitive and/or unconventional way of thinking? Oh let me count the ways.

8. Taking the road less traveled can yield greater rewards.

In our current society we are unknowingly preordained to follow a very specific, unspoken path in life:

Allow yourself to be born
Graduate high school
Go to college
Get a safe, boring, reliable job within a cubicle prison
Get married
Procreate
Die from emphysema/dinosaur attack

Don't get pissy. Mom and Dad just want you to be safe and happy.

As much as parents want you to be safe, there's a part of them that want you to be brave and bold because they weren't able to. Oh believe me, they'll never admit it.

Let this soak into your brain-pudding: the best success stories always begin with some sort of risk-taking. Thinking outside the box innovates. Nearly every piece of technology that you interact with started with some geek obsessing over it with very little formal education.

"I will never let school interfere with my education." - Mark Twain

7. I didn't have to pay for the most expensive party ever

Let's tackle the money thing first since finances always seem to skull-rape us extra hard.

Colleges are businesses. I'd be okay with this if, and only if, schools would preach college as an option in life and not a requirement.

Think about this: You're a senior in high school, graduating in a week. You've been pressured from parents, teachers, relatives, etc, to pick a school and a profession. How are you, at 17 or 18 years old, supposed to know what you want to do FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD?

Most kids change their major several times before settling on something. That means they'll spend an extra year or two (OR MORE) in college... which ultimately means more money goes into the college.

There's just something... not right about that. Using social pressure on innocent kids to make a profit? Yeah. LAME. I know several people that changed their major on many different occasions and end up graduating with a degree they DON'T EVEN USE.

This'll also tickle your e-pickle: many kids will go to college to be part of that "party" atmosphere. Wanna know something funnier?

You don't even have to go to college to live on campus and party it up.

True story: Tempe, AZ is the the home of Arizona State University, home of one of the craziest, most party-ing-est campuses in the USA. Rather than do something silly like "go to college," I just moved into an apartment that was technically on campus.

Had myself a great time there and didn't get tens-of-thousands of dollars in debt.

I accept your praise and/or flipping of the bird.

6. I never have to set foot into a classroom ever again

Forget sleeping aids. If I ever, EVER need to get sleep, I just need to attend a class, especially one teaching a subject I'm not interested in.

I have the upmost respect for high school teachers. They get to be stuck in a room full of students who don't want to be there.

While I do think education is important, I also think we need to be a little realistic. What sort of real skills do the kids REALLY need? Can't they actually choose stuff they're interested in?

Sure, a broad education in the basics up through 8th grade makes sense, but after that kids should be able to pursue something they're really interested in.

Since we're on this stupid subject, school pretty much caters to those who are good at following directions. No conceptual thinking and/or outside-the-box artistic types are encouraged, just DO WHAT WE TELLS YOU OR YOU WILL FAIL FOREVER STUPID

5. I didn't have to maintain a "GPA"

The real world doesn't care about grades or if you've kept your nose in book longer than the person next to you.

Today's grading system is archaic and doesn't yield many rewards for kids to get a higher grade. Pretty much all you get is a pat on the head and not getting grounded by your parents.

What's wrong with overachieving at something you're INTERESTED in rather than a bunch of crap you don't care about?

Think about this: if there was real incentive to get higher grades, wouldn't that be a better example of how life really works? In the real world if you do something awesome, usually you get something in return. In school the most you get is either a trophy, a piece of paper basically saying, "YOU DID IT," or someone thinking you're kind-of smart.

All three of those things can be forged. :)

4. I Got to Disappoint All of my Relatives

Oh Rawrb, you so mean.

Just about everyone in my family had pictured me as an engineer, or a doctor, or in the air force. I wanted to make VIDEO GAMES.

We clashed.

Now while I haven't reached my goal of making extremely fun and/or addictive video games (and I will someday), I took up web development and Psychostick, both of which didn't exactly go over well with certain... uptight relatives.

Heh heh.

3. I don't have to deal with "prerequisites"

I don't think this needs much explanation.

When you boil things down, prerequisites are another way of getting more cash out of you. Some make sense, like taking geometry before you take courses on architecture, but most do not and should be done away with. ANGRILY.

2. I Actually Get to Do whatever I Want

So let's say you graduate college. Nowadays (and you can look up the statistics on this) you aren't even close to being guaranteed a job.

And even if you DO get that job you've been gunning for out of school, is that really what you want to do until you retire?

1. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are college dropouts.

(Steve, you'll be missed)

Bottom line: Should you go to college? Only if YOU (and only you) decide to go. I also realize that craptons of classes and education is important for certain career choices, like becoming a surgeon or a nuclear physicist.

Don't go to college only because someone else wants you to. If you aren't sure what you want to do with your life, that's perfectly okay. Get out of your mom's basement and experience the real world for a while.

Not that Real World reality show crap.

Stupid.

Enjoyed it? Donations accepted with slightly evil chuckles.

Blog - 5 Dumb Questions Bands Get Asked

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:00:00 MST

5 Dumb Questions Bands Get Asked

You might be thinking, "Gee, this Rawrb guy is a jerk. How could I possibly know the answer to these questions? I wasn't in a band straight outta the birth canal, shitbag!" If this is your thought, I apologize. Think of this as an informal education on the complicated world of touring.

Or, you can swim in a pool of ignorance and/or cat intestines. Up to you.

5. "Why aren't you in a tourbus?"

Cost.

On average, a tour bus costs about $1000...

... PER DAY.

Think about how much it costs you to pay rent, your phone bills, etc. If you lived in a tour bus for an entire month, just ONE month, that's $30,000. THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Yep.

4. "Why aren't you coming to my isolated, desolate city just for me?"

This isn't really a DUMB question, but is (more or less) the one most frequently asked.

Honestly, there are many reasons, but you gotta remember that it's NOTHING PERSONAL between you and the band. Seriously.

Some reasons why we couldn't make it to your city: not in the routing, pay wasn't right, promoter was a douche, better offer two hours away, not a strong following in that city - the list could go on.

Actually... I take that back. It IS your fault that we don't play your little town. Why? Just... LOOK AT YOU! Have you SEEN you lately? Yikes.

3. "Why didn't you play every single song off of all of your records?"

Real explanation: Bands tend to only have 45 minutes or less to play. Hell, when we played Mayhemfest we only had TWENTY MINUTES, which was about 5 songs.

Five.

Believe me, unless they're complete doucherockets (and there are some out there), they bands aren't intentionally leaving out stuff because they don't like you.

2. "Why can't you play my house party?"

Parties are... unstable. So unstable in fact that we've only played one where we weren't ordered to shut down due to noise complaints. Then there's the drunken craziness that involves flying beer, stolen gear, and a plethora of other goofiness.

Oh, and parties suck. Just saying. :)

1. "Why aren't you more famous than CHRISTINA BEIBER SPEARS?"

It's no secret: The music industry doesn't sell music. They sell products.

Marketability and appeal to masses is what makes your band famous. Or "pop-star" or whatever. Oh, and money. The right amount of cash at the right time can do wonders for your act. Wonders.

Anyway, best thing to do is just write and perform what you love and throw various meat products at chicks go who clubbing. THAT is how you change things.